How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
