A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
