Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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