i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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