Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize