I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize