I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
