If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
