I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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