Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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