I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
