His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize