you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
