What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
