I need help removing her.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
