Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
