There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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