You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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