I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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