Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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