i think i have two assholes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
