You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
