I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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