She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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