So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
