Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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