three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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