By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
