It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize