Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
