I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
sex in a hospital.. check
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
