Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
