you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
