It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
