He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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