I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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