she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
