I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You ate ashes out of my bong
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
