I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
