remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
