Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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