Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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