Christians are straight up FREAKS
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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