hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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