In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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