also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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