vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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