I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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