I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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