hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
