ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
