theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
only you would photoshop your dick
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
