idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
