You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
