i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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