She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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