I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
