I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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