no, he came in my armpit
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
