i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
