if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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