Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
