i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
